Doggieplasty News
Canine Lingual Vocal Labial Alteration (CLVLA) - Clearing up the Myths
T here has been a large amount of erroneous speculation about the emotional safety to pet owners in the use of Canine Lingual Vocal Labial Alteration (CLVLA). The theory is that this experimental technique, which has had initially encouraging results, might have adverse affects for some pet owners. The worry voiced by opponents of the procedure is that they might discover that their pet doesn’t love them as much as they thought – i.e. that their dog could give them, in layman’s parlance, “a good telling off.”
That CLVLA could lead to some form of canine invective is patently ridiculous. The reports from some alleged pet owners that their dog has insulted them, ridiculed them, or in one frequently touted case, told his owner that he was, "a fat, low-brow slob,” are pure science fiction.
To set the record straight, CLVLA is NOT a technique that can cause your dog to make fun of your shoes, complain about the food, or criticize your ideas about music. It's important to understand that dogs are still dogs, and as such they can amass a vocabulary of only 15 to 20 simple phrases in any given language at best, even with the most drastic changes to vocal cord length and lip structure. Thus, while your dog might be taught to say, “I love you,” or “I’m hungry,” or even, in extreme cases, “I really like these kibbles,” the chance that he or she will suddenly comment, “You know, I have never liked you,” is so remote as to not be worth discussing.
Further, even with the necessary surgical alterations, a pet must be _trained_ to say the phrases he or she will later use as a newfound form of self-expression and communication.
Certainly, there have been reports of pets saying something like, “I want go out right now or else bite leg,” but even these accounts are far from reliable and not to be believed without further study.
Further, some pet owners have complained that the lip alternations necessary for a dog to voice complex labial consonants has left their pet with an odd or "creepy" appearance and even gives them trouble eating. These concerns are generally temporary in nature, as the vast improvement in communication and the resultant increase in heartfelt emotion quickly erase any initial revulsion felt at seeing a more narrow, almost human set of lips on your dog, or the accompanying difficulty in ingesting and chewing food in a more normal fashion that often results from the surgery.
It should be mentioned, however, that initial attempts to perform the same procedure on cats has resulted in some admittedly shocking revelations, and most of the feline test subjects were subsequently put to sleep at the request of their owners. For this reason, we do NOT recommend LVLA for cat owners.
It is hoped that these facts will dispell some of the myths surrounding CLVLA, and engender a broader acceptance of this fast-growing, valuable technique.
You may rest assured that with CLVLA, the love between you and your four-legged friend will only grow.